Feel like eating some super sticky milky chocolate cake 😊😊

Idk why my belly so painful!! :(

Hehe but have nice toilet nearby 

I get stressed when I listen to ppl having hushed conversations in the lab. It sounds like they're so intelligent 😅

Last night is the first night I never talk to bob 

Sometimes I think what joy says really makes sense. I make things very difficult for myself. And think the worst. And like make myself go through pain and so much pain for nothing. Cuz idk why also. Sometimes I feel I deserve the pain since my life is so tough but I really think I should force myself not to think like that. 

God wants good for me not pain and He will be sad if I keep inflicting pain on myself. Shit. I finally know what I'm doing it's like self emotional harm. I don't think or talk about it I don't understand. It's like a different way of cutting it hurts so bad I tell you my heart literally aches. 

At least I will have stuff to do in lab hehehhehehehe (: happy!! I'm gna do loads of pcr tmr!! If can la and let's think of a Video to watch tmr so I won't be bored and OMGOSH I'm so buying the daiso cute shorts as safety pants they're so freaking cute. Can't wait to buy it.. Can we go tmr?? 😊😊

My kids are the best 

They are so cute 

I love them. 

This is why I wna teach. 

Watching the show doesn't make things any better haha. 

This stupid cartoon called adventure time 

Freak stupid monster kept saying do you think I'm beautiful then the king said I wi always love you and since you're my beautiful wife I will always do. 

Liesfcking lies.   

Everyone lies. Including me. 

Why am I so comforted by the fact that I'm gna spend quality time with my bear. In the garden! 

Tomorrow bob and I will be going for a walk in botanic gardens... A nice long walk. And then to think life through and then maybe talk abit. Bob is really kind. He is such a sweet bear. He says we are going for a picnic too!  

I hope you're desperate enough to do something. Like something. Or maybe I'm the desperate one. Haha. I wish I wasn't. I wish I has a huge ring of guy friends who wanted to be together with me, to want to love me and marry me. But they can't cuz of you. And then they'll be there waiting to go out with me, cuz they won't want me to be lonely, and they don't really care if they wna be with other ppl cuz they NEVER want to. I really wish that could happen. And the amount of resentment that doesn't build up is awesome. Cuz you'll never take my word at face value, you'll never be able to blame me for not being able to spend time with them haha. 

You'll never believe it no matter how many times I tell you I'm okay. I hope you feel really bad about yourself for ditching our plans and believing me when I say I'm okay and pls go ahead. I'm getting better and better at lying. Cuz you just can't wait for me to say oh go and spend time with other people...cuz you know what? One day I won't want to spend time with you anymore. It will come full circle, things will flip over and face the other side. I can't wait for that day to happen. That you'll become me and understand how I feel. Finally. Haha I'm happy I did what I did so I won't be thinking whether you send me anything or not... Cuz I don't need to know you pretend to care. Cuz you secretly can't wait to sneak off and do your things... I just let you go la it's the best thing. Cuz then you'll fight to be together with me, cuz you'll be afraid of losing me. You'll be afraid that we won't have time tgt. You'll really want to treasure all the time we have tgt. 

You think you can get the best of both worlds? Having fun with them then ending the day with me?? Pls no. When I am working so hard at tuition, then having to find a place to go...?! Haha dream on that you can have it easy. Precisely because I don't, I don't want to make it any easier for others also. ESP those ppl close to me. I sound like a crazy person but really. Why should I give anyone a good time when I'm not having one myself? (: you tell me la. 

Haha see how you can do without me 

See how

Since you like yimas house so much right

Like to spend it with the fun and games

Cuz it's more fun than me right? 

Okay la I give you 

Tmr we don't talk don't meet at all 

You can't call can't contact me also 

Gives me a peace of mind so I can just go and give tuition and earn money and save it for myself 

Since you want to spend it with ppl like John and stuff keep going there and stuff 

Not like he is going to be home anyways you think he will be home to accompany you? I'm not your damn backup after him okay. I just feel second class compared to him cuz you're always chasing after him and running after him like it's so good then fitting your timings around his?? Come on. You either fit your timings or your timings. Not mine. Not mine. You don't fit my timing around yours then fit OURS around his. I'm not in a relationship AROUND johns timetable. I can choose to hang around outside alone, no problem. Tmr I'm gna bring Elmo around. 

Haha see how you can do without me 

See how

Since you like yimas house so much right

Like to spend it with the fun and games

Cuz it's more fun than me right? 

Okay la I give you 

Tmr we don't talk don't meet at all 

You can't call can't contact me also 

Gives me a peace of mind so I can just go and give tuition and earn money and save it for myself 

Since you want to spend it with ppl like John and stuff keep going there and stuff 

Not like he is going to be home anyways you think he will be home to accompany you? I'm not your damn backup after him okay. I just feel second class compared to him cuz you're always chasing after him and running after him like it's so good then fitting your timings around his?? Come on. You either fit your timings or your timings. Not mine. Not mine. You don't fit my timing around yours then fit OURS around his. I'm not in a relationship AROUND johns timetable. I can choose to hang around outside alone, no problem. Tmr I'm gna bring Elmo around. 

im not going to bother talking to you.


because you clearly forgot about me.


who does that.

forget about time.

forgetting about something so important.

now you say that im this and im that.



why would i say these things, why not because you just forget about me.


how about i try doing it back to you and see how you feel.

see how you like feeling forgotten and with nobody to talk to when you need someone.
or knowing that youre waiting when the other person has cleanly forgotten about you.

see how that feels.

if you can hide stuff from me why not i have my own space too and instead of unloading it on you id do it the way i used to.

just me and nobody else.

clearly really, just taking me for granted.

dont really need the big things to be telling. the small things would do.

Back here after so many months? 

What's the point of like saving so much time and trying to do as fast as you can while the other person can't be bothered to save time or to be early. How does that make you feel? It just makes you feel small and insignificant. Like why bother with people anyway. Since they're just going to let you down. Just do lab everyday la and be happy. 

But at the end of the day am I really going to be happy? Or am I happier alone? I really don't know. Maybe I'm really happier alone. When the whole romance thing fades off and reality sets in. Like the faults of the other person just clouds out everything else then I guess it's time to be alone? 

Why make the mistake of stepping into another ones house knowing that you'll never end up with that person? Why bother helping and saying all those things to help you to keep track of your time and be early but you don't even take an effort to. 

Previously you didn't want me to shut down. Now you seem like you don't mind me doing it. Why not I shut down on you and not say anything so you won't ever know and you wouldn't have to feel short changed or insignificant ever. When you get together with another person who actually doesn't mind you being late and paying games then I guess I'll be happy for you. Because I don't think that I'll ever be able to have that around. Another half an hour if we don't get this resolved if you don't bother coming up to talk to me I'm going home. Shut me out lor. 

Heyho. i can comfortably write here. Im sounding like Pia in the game rune factory. Its pia right not sakuya? i keep confusing them cuz both of them work in the same place. .....cant write a burdened post while listening to happy harvest moon winter music. Sometimes i get really frustrated with people.. i know i shouldnt be and i need to help them out but i sometimes think, cant you find it yourself? Like im at my wits end here alr and ppl keep chasing me for things which they can do themselves. Like its your own responsibility and why do you keep having to rely on me.. pls lah be realistic here singapore is each person for themselves when it comes to sch. not funny loh pls. im not RICH and i cant literally buy an education NOT LIKE YOU WHO CAN DO SO ok. i know God says we must help our brethren out so i tell you half the story. and you keep asking PLEASE DONT TELL ME YOU DONT KNOW where to get qns to do loh plz. you are from such a well to do background. What am i? then you act so friendly and keep your other half of your life away from me cuz you know that is something that i wont agree on. then i appreciate the company that God has provided for me in sch but sometimes it gets a little hard. And im not comfortable driven to sch every morning and neither do i have any inheritance. why is it that i dont really have like minded friends like in secondary sch when it comes to studies? ZZ last time friends those two were really sharing i tell you. assessment books we pile tgt and do and compare and we are serious though we were competitors. but i feel difficult if its like coming only from me and nth from you HOW CAN LIKE THAT? aiya mum also says that you are going away anyway so dont really need to care.... but again..im afraid our friendship would just be like ---------- that. a flat line. hmmm. like what is said. friendship built on sand would crumble at the slightest touch. @#$%$#@#$%$#@#$%@#$% zz just tired. good night.

I have things to care for that is beyond my age or so I think. Sigh. Right.